How To Win Any Argument

How to Avoid the Family Fight at the Dinner Table

2008-11-24T08:37:00.005-06:00

Politics - How to Avoid the Family Fight at the Dinner Table

Politics - How to Avoid the Family Fight at the Dinner Table
By Nathan Stockwell

What do you do when your family feels different than you about politics?

Here are six rules to remember when engaging the family at the dinner table. Play by these simple guidelines and you're on your way to persuading others to your way of thinking without being offensive.

1) Remember to take a breather in a dispute.

Ok. You've just been confronted on an important issue. Your brother-in-law decides to corner you at the big Thanksgiving dinner this year and hits you over the head with a whammy you didn't see coming. Social, political, it doesn't matter.

First, stop and gather your thoughts. This is not most people's initial reaction when challenged on big issues like abortion, gun control, education and so on. Usually we want to let 'em have it. Yell, curse, maybe even throw food.

Stop and think about how best to proceed and pick only ONE point he's made to refute him on. This makes your job a whole lot easier than trying to field every argument he makes.

2) Stay focused.

He'll want to smother you with too many challenges at once. Again your goal is to stay on target and not move on until he's agreed you've answered his challenge fairly. Don't let him pull you in another direction. Remember since you are all family, you have to see each other again and it's best to resolve disagreements with diplomacy instead of screaming matches.

3) DON'T get personal.

Too many people fight unfairly and insult the person instead of debating the topic. In a family setting, this can lead to ill-will and yes, less presents at Christmas time. Neither of which is good.

Unfortunately, fallacies like these leave you with far less credibility. Leave that to your brother-in-law. When you violate this principle you've allowed them to get to you leaving all your potentially good arguments for your case lost in the middle because you're too busy being witty.

Avoid insults of any kind.

4) Ask questions.

Okay, so now you've traded a few answers back and forth, yet he's still pro-choice, you're pro-life, and the family is getting uncomfortable. This is the time to ask questions.

There is really no bad time to do this. If you throw in the right question at the right time, you can accomplish quite a lot without really doing any dirty work.

Let's say he is pro-choice. Ask him why he is. Then follow up on his answers. Ask him how he has come to the conclusions he has about the position he holds. When you start up like this, it keeps him in everyone's focus and allows you some breathing room in a heated debate. Questions also allow you to make him defend anything he has said if you do it right. Think, "why do you feel..." and "how did you come to that conclusion?"

Keep the ball in his court.

5) Don't try to win the battle, just advance the front-line.

Sometimes when your goal is not trying to convince everyone at the table why you're right, they'll come to that conclusion on their own. It's when we insist that we're right that we're the most closed off to sound arguments and we turn off everyone else as well.

When you stop trying to be absolutely right on everything, you can come away looking the victor for one very important reason: if you have a "hey, I feel pretty strongly about this but I'm okay with your position too" kind of position (while still presenting a good and reasonable argument -- don't be weak here) then the credit people will extend to you for your politeness, respect and thoughtfulness will also be extended to your argument by proxy.

And lastly...

6) Know when to quit gracefully.

Hey after all, we're talking about family here right? There comes a point when it's time to give it a rest. And it comes before the mashed potatoes end up on the wall. Being the one to bow out gracefully can lead to yet more respect for your position. At the same time, knowing when to quit the right way can be used to drive home you've got the winning facts.

When you've hammered away at the other guys position and spent time trying to make him defend his position (even though he may have started this fight) and then you suddenly agree to call it quits when he's up against a wall, you allow him to save face. All of this presupposes that you know you're subject pretty well and can handle yourself in the first place in the topic you're discussing.

Agreeing to disagree is friendly and good for families that have to see each other a lot. Take it easy out there and you may just get through dessert with smiles all around.

Mr. Stockwell is a passionate defender of conservative values. If you want to learn how to become a master persuader and learn how to use rhetoric to win arguments anytime with anyone, then visit: http://www.argueandwin.com/win for more information.

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How to Argue With a Man

2008-11-24T08:00:00.004-06:00

How to Argue With a Man

How to Argue With a Man
By Peter Harris

If you are a woman and want to learn how to argue with a man then here is a list of the top eight ways you can argue with a man to improve your chances of resolving the argument productively.

1. Stay logical. Men typically think logically. They argue logically as well. They won't often interject their feelings into a discussion and when a woman does this it throws a wrench into his thought process. Fight logic with logic.

2. Stick to the facts. This goes along with staying logical when the discussion started out with logic and facts. Resist the temptation to stray from the facts of the matter at hand. Don't bombard the discussion with facts of past events; stay current and on target. The stronger your focus the less chance that either of you will lose your tempers or let your feelings take over.

3. Don't make it personal. It is not uncommon that when arguing someone will have their feeling's hurt. Unless you were blatantly insulted don't read between the lines or take his arguments personally. When the argument becomes personal it becomes more difficult to stay focused. Your goal is to reach a resolution, not to "win" the argument.

4. Be prepared to "prove" your argument. Men look for proof when arguing about something. You may just want to be heard and given the opportunity to express yourself. The guy may not think like that. He's waiting for solid proof to back up what you are saying. Stick to proving your point. You will gain much more ground.

5. Keep your feelings and emotions in check. Keep your emotions out of it when possible. When a woman interjects her feelings into an argument a man will interpret this as he is wrong for being logical. That is why it is best to keep your feelings out of a logical discussion.

6. Don't blame a guy for being logical. Never verbally attack a guy for using logical thinking. This is what we do. If you tell us to stop being logical it only makes us angry and defensive.

7. Don't shift gears mid-argument. If you want to debate, then debate. If you want a more nurtured discussion then start the discussion with how you feel. If you are engaged in a logical, factual discussion with a man then keep it that way. The argument will maintain its momentum and run its course. If you try and switch gears and throw emotions into it then the dynamic of the argument changes. It's best to stay with one or the other.

8. Hold your ground. Don't give in to a man "just because." Don't continue arguing "just because" either. Remember your goal is to communicate and reach a resolution to the problems at hand. It's not about who has the last word or who "wins" the argument. Arguments between men and women are inevitable. If the goal of arguing is to effectively communicate a problem or how you feel about something and ultimately resolving that issue then knowing the best way to argue can only enhance the chances of achieving your goals.

Are you interested in learning more about how to argue with a man and relationships? Click here to receive my new free ebook: How To Argue

Peter Harris is a health care professional and author and writes frequently about relationships.

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3 Effective Ways to Win Arguments

2008-11-24T07:37:00.004-06:00

3 Effective Ways to Win Arguments

3 Effective Ways to Win Arguments
By Thomas Hartig

Rhetoric, or the high art of speaking, used to part of every school boys curriculum in ancient Rome, however today we believe it is much more important to study grammar in depth and read long dead authors. As we grow ever more divorced from the fact that language does not describe reality, it creates reality (Watzlawick), the way we discuss now focuses on rational and logical arguments.

If you have ever been in an argument or a discussion, you will know that logical reasoning seldom helps, and very quickly these type of situations can get emotionally charged. Argument literally means "heated exchange of conflicting views": Now, once your exchange of opinions turns into a heated exchange of conflicting ideas, there is little that can really be done. Everything becomes emotionally charged and usually the person who can talk or yell louder tends to win.

Now, if you focus on rational arguments and also take into consideration how we use and understand language, then you can start building a linguistic finesse into your arguments that make them very hard to resist!

1. Yes, AND

When we are in a discussion, we sooner or later try to stop acknowledging the other person's point of view, as we are trying to convert them to ours. An exchange of opinion is quite literally what we are planning to do! However, once you stop listening to others, they usually also stop listening to you, and then we end up back at square one.

People like it when you agree with them, and when others view what they have said as a valid contribution. So, even though this person might be waffling on and on, find something in whatever was said that you can agree with, and then do so. Why?

This neatly brings us to step to: Once it is your turn to speak, agree with something and then add your own observation/statement to it. Right, so it might sound something like this: "I agree with you that our current political leadership is lacking AND I also believe that XYZ". Cunning, is it not?!

Why this works so well, is that the word "and" tends to link statements in a way that makes both appear true, and as you are first agreeing with the other person, the chances of them interrupting you are low, as they would have to first disagree with themselves, and people don't usually like to do that in public. So remember..."yes, and...."

2. No, BUT

It is in the nature of a discussion that we cannot always agree with people. Sometimes, we feel it best to state in no uncertain terms that we believe the other person is mistaken, wrong, or badly informed. When you find yourself in that situation, the word "but" will come in handy.

In our everyday language, we have grown a little too carefree with the use of "but". How many times have you heard: "I completely agree with you, BUT....". As you can see from this example, "but" tends to cancel out what came before. In a way, it negates the previous statement.

So, if you find yourself in a discussion, use "but" wisely! If you want to utilize it to change someone's mind, use it in conjunction with an awareness word, such as discover, realize, become aware... like this: "But can't you see how X influences Y?" Hence, you can use but and this sentence construction, to link other people's arguments to yours, and the best part is they get to do the thinking and finding themselves, which means people will think they came up with the good stuff!

3.Get "Yes" into the other persons Mind

So, consciously, we tend to think that we operate on a system of logic and analytical reasoning. While that is a beautiful model, it does not do the human mind justice at all. Most of our thinking and processing is done unconsciously, without us every really thinking about it, and the unconscious mind operates on plausibility, not logical reasoning. Or do you think about each step of brushing your teeth, making a coffee, or even driving your car? Hmmm....

Now, since the unconscious operates on plausibility, the more you get someone into the mind set of saying "yes" the more likely the person is to accept another argument from you. So as you are reading this, and probably wondering how exactly this works, and maybe even imagining where to use this, you are discovering new ways of communicating.

Looking at the last sentence again, the first 3 things I said are "truisms" or things I know you will tend to say "yes" to internally. The last statement however, is nothing but a bold guess, however you have said "yes" already 3 times by then, so you are quite willing to accept the last statement too, because it is plausible and appears to make sense.

Another subtle touch to this is done often by magicians: If you watch Magic Christian or Derren Brown, while they talk they tend to nod their head ever so slightly when giving instructions. This gets the other persons head moving the same way, and so their body is already saying yes, all they have to do is verbalize it!

So, in conclusion:

• Yes, AND

• No, BUT

• Get a lot of "yes" going

Simple as this may appear, in order for these things to be effective, you will need to pay attention to the subtle communication happening between you and the other person, and find the right way to introduce these ideas into your way of thinking and speaking. You might easily be amazed at how powerful these simple tricks are in getting what you want in an argument!

Thomas Hartig is a Trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis in Cape Town, South Africa. His company, Mind Institute, aims to provide information and resources for anyone wishing to explore what the mind is capable of. he currently trains both, NLP Practitioner and Hypnotherapy Diploma courses.

He is also works as a coach using approaches from neuro linguistic programming and hypnosis to get his clients the change they want rapidly, and to enjoy their change.

Find out more: http://mindinstitute.co.za

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How to Win Almost Any Argument - Be the Ultimate Master

2008-11-24T06:31:00.003-06:00

How to Win Almost Any Argument - Be the Ultimate Master

How to Win Almost Any Argument - Be the Ultimate Master
By Pushpa Pal Singh

You must have heard of the famous saying- "It's not about what you say rather how you say it". Arguments are all about pressing your opinion and point on your opponent and the one with more facts and valid points wins. Winning an argument is not rocket science therefore no special qualification is required. Learn and discover some of the easiest and the most effective ways to win arguments and influence people.

Be well aware- Before you start any argument you must very well equip yourself with the subject matter. More often than not arguments are lost because people do not have enough knowledge regarding the topic they are going to argue on. Never underestimate your opponent and only bother to get into an argument if you fully understand the topic.

Take lead- Arguments are all about who's pressing his point harder therefore if you take the lead early that gives you a competitive edge over your opponent and boosts your self confidence.

Cross question- When you opponent is making his point always make it a point to ask as many questions as possible. Do not give your opponent a single moment to breathe. Remember arguments are all about how spontaneous you are therefore when you find that perfect moment just jump on to it and attack.

Save you energy for the last- Do not talk about invalid point of argue when it's not required. Let your opponent make all his point and let him talk for a long period. Arguments are not only about what you are talking about but also how well you talk. After a long speech a person's brain tends to be less responsive and he would find it harder to talk right. This would be your ultimate moment to attack on all cylinders. So the trick is let your opponent talk till he drops and than attack and cross question him.

Confuse him- Even if your opponent is making valid points change the topic in between and take it to a new level. This would not only confuse but anger your opponent as well.

Emotional attack- This is one of the dirty tricks of the trade but hey it does work every single time. If you think you are losing and can not get your point through do a personal attack on your opponent. The more emotional he gets the lesser he would think from his brain. When a person is under the influence of emotions he says many inappropriate things and eventually loses.

But this does not cover everything you need to win arguments. The biggest aspect is your level of smartness. Learn some of the essential secret features of smart people and where you stand on that smartness scale- How smart are you?

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