How to Avoid the Family Fight at the Dinner Table

Politics - How to Avoid the Family Fight at the Dinner Table

Politics - How to Avoid the Family Fight at the Dinner Table
By Nathan Stockwell

What do you do when your family feels different than you about politics?

Here are six rules to remember when engaging the family at the dinner table. Play by these simple guidelines and you're on your way to persuading others to your way of thinking without being offensive.

1) Remember to take a breather in a dispute.

Ok. You've just been confronted on an important issue. Your brother-in-law decides to corner you at the big Thanksgiving dinner this year and hits you over the head with a whammy you didn't see coming. Social, political, it doesn't matter.

First, stop and gather your thoughts. This is not most people's initial reaction when challenged on big issues like abortion, gun control, education and so on. Usually we want to let 'em have it. Yell, curse, maybe even throw food.

Stop and think about how best to proceed and pick only ONE point he's made to refute him on. This makes your job a whole lot easier than trying to field every argument he makes.

2) Stay focused.

He'll want to smother you with too many challenges at once. Again your goal is to stay on target and not move on until he's agreed you've answered his challenge fairly. Don't let him pull you in another direction. Remember since you are all family, you have to see each other again and it's best to resolve disagreements with diplomacy instead of screaming matches.

3) DON'T get personal.

Too many people fight unfairly and insult the person instead of debating the topic. In a family setting, this can lead to ill-will and yes, less presents at Christmas time. Neither of which is good.

Unfortunately, fallacies like these leave you with far less credibility. Leave that to your brother-in-law. When you violate this principle you've allowed them to get to you leaving all your potentially good arguments for your case lost in the middle because you're too busy being witty.

Avoid insults of any kind.

4) Ask questions.

Okay, so now you've traded a few answers back and forth, yet he's still pro-choice, you're pro-life, and the family is getting uncomfortable. This is the time to ask questions.

There is really no bad time to do this. If you throw in the right question at the right time, you can accomplish quite a lot without really doing any dirty work.

Let's say he is pro-choice. Ask him why he is. Then follow up on his answers. Ask him how he has come to the conclusions he has about the position he holds. When you start up like this, it keeps him in everyone's focus and allows you some breathing room in a heated debate. Questions also allow you to make him defend anything he has said if you do it right. Think, "why do you feel..." and "how did you come to that conclusion?"

Keep the ball in his court.

5) Don't try to win the battle, just advance the front-line.

Sometimes when your goal is not trying to convince everyone at the table why you're right, they'll come to that conclusion on their own. It's when we insist that we're right that we're the most closed off to sound arguments and we turn off everyone else as well.

When you stop trying to be absolutely right on everything, you can come away looking the victor for one very important reason: if you have a "hey, I feel pretty strongly about this but I'm okay with your position too" kind of position (while still presenting a good and reasonable argument -- don't be weak here) then the credit people will extend to you for your politeness, respect and thoughtfulness will also be extended to your argument by proxy.

And lastly...

6) Know when to quit gracefully.

Hey after all, we're talking about family here right? There comes a point when it's time to give it a rest. And it comes before the mashed potatoes end up on the wall. Being the one to bow out gracefully can lead to yet more respect for your position. At the same time, knowing when to quit the right way can be used to drive home you've got the winning facts.

When you've hammered away at the other guys position and spent time trying to make him defend his position (even though he may have started this fight) and then you suddenly agree to call it quits when he's up against a wall, you allow him to save face. All of this presupposes that you know you're subject pretty well and can handle yourself in the first place in the topic you're discussing.

Agreeing to disagree is friendly and good for families that have to see each other a lot. Take it easy out there and you may just get through dessert with smiles all around.

Mr. Stockwell is a passionate defender of conservative values. If you want to learn how to become a master persuader and learn how to use rhetoric to win arguments anytime with anyone, then visit: http://www.argueandwin.com/win for more information.

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