3 Effective Ways to Win Arguments

3 Effective Ways to Win Arguments

3 Effective Ways to Win Arguments
By Thomas Hartig

Rhetoric, or the high art of speaking, used to part of every school boys curriculum in ancient Rome, however today we believe it is much more important to study grammar in depth and read long dead authors. As we grow ever more divorced from the fact that language does not describe reality, it creates reality (Watzlawick), the way we discuss now focuses on rational and logical arguments.

If you have ever been in an argument or a discussion, you will know that logical reasoning seldom helps, and very quickly these type of situations can get emotionally charged. Argument literally means "heated exchange of conflicting views": Now, once your exchange of opinions turns into a heated exchange of conflicting ideas, there is little that can really be done. Everything becomes emotionally charged and usually the person who can talk or yell louder tends to win.

Now, if you focus on rational arguments and also take into consideration how we use and understand language, then you can start building a linguistic finesse into your arguments that make them very hard to resist!

1. Yes, AND

When we are in a discussion, we sooner or later try to stop acknowledging the other person's point of view, as we are trying to convert them to ours. An exchange of opinion is quite literally what we are planning to do! However, once you stop listening to others, they usually also stop listening to you, and then we end up back at square one.

People like it when you agree with them, and when others view what they have said as a valid contribution. So, even though this person might be waffling on and on, find something in whatever was said that you can agree with, and then do so. Why?

This neatly brings us to step to: Once it is your turn to speak, agree with something and then add your own observation/statement to it. Right, so it might sound something like this: "I agree with you that our current political leadership is lacking AND I also believe that XYZ". Cunning, is it not?!

Why this works so well, is that the word "and" tends to link statements in a way that makes both appear true, and as you are first agreeing with the other person, the chances of them interrupting you are low, as they would have to first disagree with themselves, and people don't usually like to do that in public. So remember..."yes, and...."

2. No, BUT

It is in the nature of a discussion that we cannot always agree with people. Sometimes, we feel it best to state in no uncertain terms that we believe the other person is mistaken, wrong, or badly informed. When you find yourself in that situation, the word "but" will come in handy.

In our everyday language, we have grown a little too carefree with the use of "but". How many times have you heard: "I completely agree with you, BUT....". As you can see from this example, "but" tends to cancel out what came before. In a way, it negates the previous statement.

So, if you find yourself in a discussion, use "but" wisely! If you want to utilize it to change someone's mind, use it in conjunction with an awareness word, such as discover, realize, become aware... like this: "But can't you see how X influences Y?" Hence, you can use but and this sentence construction, to link other people's arguments to yours, and the best part is they get to do the thinking and finding themselves, which means people will think they came up with the good stuff!

3.Get "Yes" into the other persons Mind

So, consciously, we tend to think that we operate on a system of logic and analytical reasoning. While that is a beautiful model, it does not do the human mind justice at all. Most of our thinking and processing is done unconsciously, without us every really thinking about it, and the unconscious mind operates on plausibility, not logical reasoning. Or do you think about each step of brushing your teeth, making a coffee, or even driving your car? Hmmm....

Now, since the unconscious operates on plausibility, the more you get someone into the mind set of saying "yes" the more likely the person is to accept another argument from you. So as you are reading this, and probably wondering how exactly this works, and maybe even imagining where to use this, you are discovering new ways of communicating.

Looking at the last sentence again, the first 3 things I said are "truisms" or things I know you will tend to say "yes" to internally. The last statement however, is nothing but a bold guess, however you have said "yes" already 3 times by then, so you are quite willing to accept the last statement too, because it is plausible and appears to make sense.

Another subtle touch to this is done often by magicians: If you watch Magic Christian or Derren Brown, while they talk they tend to nod their head ever so slightly when giving instructions. This gets the other persons head moving the same way, and so their body is already saying yes, all they have to do is verbalize it!

So, in conclusion:

• Yes, AND

• No, BUT

• Get a lot of "yes" going

Simple as this may appear, in order for these things to be effective, you will need to pay attention to the subtle communication happening between you and the other person, and find the right way to introduce these ideas into your way of thinking and speaking. You might easily be amazed at how powerful these simple tricks are in getting what you want in an argument!

Thomas Hartig is a Trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis in Cape Town, South Africa. His company, Mind Institute, aims to provide information and resources for anyone wishing to explore what the mind is capable of. he currently trains both, NLP Practitioner and Hypnotherapy Diploma courses.

He is also works as a coach using approaches from neuro linguistic programming and hypnosis to get his clients the change they want rapidly, and to enjoy their change.

Find out more: http://mindinstitute.co.za

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